Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Get the Hint?

How many times do you text, snapchat, instagram, email, or call someone who rarely responds to you? How many unanswered texts do you send to that person? When do you get the hint?

It brings me back to the good old days of dating when guys would “ghost” (disappear without explanation). I’d text or call them to see if they’d want to hang out, and instead of telling me no, they’d just ignore my text or call. It was really irritating because I never knew if they just 1) did not receive my text or 2) received my text, read it, but then forgot to respond or 3) received my text but didn’t care enough to text back.  I never worried if I texted too much. I usually texted or called maybe once or twice again before I got the hint and didn’t reach out to them again.

When it comes to losing friends, though, it has always been more complicated. When I left my first job and all the friends I had at that company, we promised to stay in touch. Well, I’d text/call some of them to see if they wanted to hang out. No response. Weeks later, I’d text again to invite them to a festival or something. No response. Surely my “friends” couldn’t be ignoring me because they don’t want to talk me anymore, right? Surely they just weren’t responding because they were really busy.

I learned quickly that I shouldn’t waste my time on people who do not want me in their lives. If people really wanted to be your friend, they’d respond to you – even if it’s a day or week late. If people really wanted you to be around, they’d reach out to you every once and a while.

That’s how relationships work. They’re a two way street.

The minute you find yourself on a one-sided relationship where you are doing all the work, leave. Surround yourself with people who appreciate your company.

I used to get upset that my “friends” didn’t respond or ask me to do things anymore (I’d see pictures of them on Facebook having a great time and wonder, “Thanks for the invite. I guess no one thought about me.”). But then I realized that these people, as sad as it was to realize this, were no longer my friends. & I had to move on because I deserve better than to waste my time thinking about people who no longer thought about me.

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